I
hope everybody had a great Easter. I sure did. Morning outdoor church service
with my husband’s church, then a super nap! Afterward, a get together with our
big Colorado family. When I was getting ready to go to service in the morning,
taking a shower, getting dressed and brushing my teeth, I couldn’t pull away
from the bathroom mirror. I hate brushing my teeth lately. Why? Because when I
get closer to that mirror I can see my gray hairs, and they are not just fifty
hairs. They are there, vibrant and full of energy; sometimes I wish I had that kind
of attitude that my gray hairs have every morning. They are always ready to be
up and visible.
All
of this thinking brings me to my self-image issues. Does everybody have self-image
issues? Or just a few people? It looks like we never finish with this subject.
I remember being a kid: I never felt pretty. In my country I guess I was an average-looking
girl. For sure there were prettier girls and uglier than me. But where did all
this start I wonder sometimes. I noticed from an early age that the prettier
girls were those that were whiter and had light-colored hair. I always saw the people
around me trying to look better than the way they were created. I should have
that in me, right? But no, my TrueSelf was so stubborn that as soon as people
started telling me I should wear makeup or dress one way or another, I would do
whatever I wanted.
When
I was a teenager, I remember people telling me that I should wear makeup so I could
find a boyfriend, and it bothered me so much. One time I couldn’t help it and answered:
“So do you want me to wear makeup so I can get pregnant like your daughter?” I
know it was not my best answer, but back then I really did not understand why
people were so hooked on that. I saw that everywhere people with purple lips
had to paint their lips so they wouldn’t look so purple. People that had small
eye lashes had to wear mascara so they could look better. It became so bad that
sometimes I saw people not sun bathing just because they could get darker. And
what about having the perfect size and weight? That is a whole new world!
The
mixed messages we have received for so long are scary. When I was a kid (and I
am not talking just about me), I know many people have felt this way. I had to
eat all my food. I remember being hours at the table until I finished; we could
not put it in the trash because of the poor people in Africa. You could not disappoint
your parents, so guess what we did? We ate everything, and when we did, we were
praised, and it felt good and in a way we felt loved. During the teen years, we
kept eating everything, right? But our bodies burn so many calories that
everything looked great, until of course you become an adult and realize that
you just eat because you have to and that you stopped listening to your body a long,
long time ago.
I
remember I was not overweight, but I had a big butt, at least that is what some
people would tell me. And I really don’t know why we always had to focus on
what was big or different. It was annoying, but then people wonder why there are
so many eating disorders around. Not always have my skinny friends been
healthy, but it didn’t matter; they looked amazing.
I
consider myself a confident person in many ways, but I still have self-image
issues. But of course, as life always surprises you, it sends all these
experiences to see what you do with them. So here I was at 8 years old trying
to look my best wearing clothes I did not want, with my white socks that had to
have a flower and my shiny black shoes because that was what was expected. At
the age of 11, I had scoliosis so I had to wear this brace in my back for a
long time. Oh, that was great! How the hell was I going to hide that? And that
started my new nickname in school: Roboteck. At age 15, I had crooked teeth, so
I had to wear braces for a long time. At age 20, I thought my nose was too big,
so I had a nose job. Oh crap, that was painful! After all these physical
changes, I felt more confident.
It
is amazing how appearances are so important that many of us are willing to go
beyond pain and money. It also amazes me that in spite of being aware of how
all this focus on the physical can be harmful that we still do it instead of
focusing on the mental and emotional. Maybe if we would change our perceptions,
we would not have so many mental issues. But guess what, it amazes me even more
that I find myself doing the same that society did to me, to my son and my
husband! That sounded very victimizing, right? But you know what I am trying to
say, I hope. LOL. So my conclusion is that I do it for love, so that means
everybody does it for love. Who knows if that is true?
I
can lie to myself many times telling myself that I look great, I am beautiful,
I am at my perfect weight. But then reality hits me when I brush my crooked
teeth and I see my fifty hairs of gray saying good morning to me, or I put my
jeans on and all of a sudden I realize my size pants are double digits. How the
hell does that happen? I just put my scale away, tired of this bullshit. That
was my last conversation with her, the scale. When I have been in my pity party,
I even thought people probably did not like me because I was not as thin and
tall as they were.
So
what happened when I dated my husband? This is the funny part; he also grew up
not feeling handsome. I saw him handsome and he saw me beautiful, perfect match!
But the past haunted me a couple of times, and I asked to myself why he felt
attracted to me. He is white and I am brown, and I built up all these stories
in my head. Thank goodness for awareness and knowing that those thoughts are
just temporary.
So,
how do I coach people in their life issues if I also have those issues? I think
we have put on a pedestal so many people, actors and actresses, leaders,
therapists, teachers and our own friends. In order to help we need to show up
in the world as us, as I call it our TrueSelf. I am not saying I have to dress
terribly and not cut my toenails or have awful hair. But what I am saying is let’s
share our stories, let’s tell others that how they are feeling is okay and that
it is normal and not always are we all well put together.
Being
a parent now, I have to put my own breaks not to pass those limiting beliefs to
my young son. I actually talk to him about what I used to believe and how wrong
I was. I love the way he loves that he has brown skin and that his mom has an
accent and how his orthodontist tell him: “You have big beautiful teeth.” Isn’t
that amazing? How about if we all focus on positive feedback?!
The
more connected I am to my TrueSelf, the less I care about what others think or
see in me. At the end that is their perspective, not my reality, which is also
my own perspective. With Life Coaching not only have I helped others, but doing
so has helped me too. It is a constant practice to love yourself the way you
are, to accept who you are and also to accept that there are things that you
are not ready to change yet, but awareness is the key.
All
I can say today is that my fifty hairs of gray need to be dyed and that I
accept I am not ready yet to have white hair. LOL! If you are looking for a
great person to care for your hair here in Colorado, please contact Hair by
Osmyr. She does not only use great products but also has great prices. Here is
her info:www.facebook.com/HairByOsmyr/.
Me
Facebook:
Balance My TrueSelf LLC
Instagram:
balancemytrueself
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